just a vent

i am so frustrated right now. i don't want sympathy or pity or a pep talk. I don't want any of it.

I just whipped Cody. I spanked him first with the spanking stick and then when he smarted off again, with the belt. he is nothing but disrespectful and out of line every day. he does not show any hint of even trying. no matter what i do or when. i am so frustrated. i should have been demanding more respect instead of just letting things go. i do not understand where the disconnect is with him that he can't seem to figure out authority. he doesn't care. he doesn't care about anything but himself and how to get what he wants. i'm so tired of it all. i'm tired of being spoken to like i'm a second rate citizen in my own home. he talks down to me every day. he gives me an attitude in the simplest of conversations. and plays the victim perfectly. it's never his fault. never. he never really takes responsability for his own actions.

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i had a bit of a tiff with a friend on fb. she made a comment and i pointed out how it read. she bit my head off. then emailed me to apologize for biting my head off, but certainly not what she said. i'm sure it correctly reflected her thoughts about me anyway. she has no clue.

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i am so lonely right now. i see people every day, but i don't really have anybody to commune with. when david gets home at night, i'm on my feet until about 9 and that is when he goes to bed. i really need to just recharge for a day or two. mod doesn't help. i have too much to do during that time.

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i have to take the stupid van in tomorrow for the a/c. i so hate dealing with stuff like that and just really wish my husband would. i know he doesn't have the time, but i hate it.

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wow, this turned into quite a pity party for me. i do throw them from time to time, but usually keep them from my blog. a while back, david's ex-wife was reading it. i am not so sure if she is now or not, but i do not care. it's my blog and if she wants to read it, well, it's public, what can i say. i refuse to be all sunshine and smiley faces all the time on my personal blog.

negative, negative, negative. it's really not me to be so negative, but right now, in this moment, that is what it is. and i'm gonna post this without even re-reading it.