Wednesday, January 30, 2008

My big boy is 12!

It's really hard to believe. He's so grown up. I think he had a really good day. I took him to IHOP for breakfast, just the two of us. His Granny Sandra came to pick him up and took him shopping, then to meet his Dad for dinner. His Dad took him to the movies after dinner and then brought him home. I wish his Dad would find a way to make more time for him. He wants him to so badly. He will be having a friend come over this weekend to spend the night. I know that thrills him.

Karleigh is here to spend the night after church. She loves it! Since David's at work, she's gonna sleep with me. I love that. I adore that little girl.

Monday, January 28, 2008

a good weekend

Mistie, Heather and Cherene came up for the night last night. I took the big boys to Mom's to spend the night and go to church with them this morning. We went to eat at Friday's and then to the mall last night. Joshua has never been to a big mall before and spent most of the time in there just looking at everything he could see. He loved it! They went to church with me this morning and that was really good too. Josh stayed in the nursery THE WHOLE TIME! Yay! He wasn't happy about it, though, but we'll get there one day. We went to eat Mexican food after church, hung out here for a bit and they went home. I sure do miss having Mistie right there. They are such good friends. I don't know Heather well, but like her alot. Cherene is absolutely precious and I miss knowing she's close also. I certainly don't miss much about Wichita Falls, but I do dearly miss our friends there. I know that they'll all be moving in the next couple of years though, so that makes it a bit easier.

We need some friends here. I'm gonna see if we can make it to a hometeam next week. Sunday night is when they will be having them. I don't know how that will go over with David's Superbowl plans, but I'm gonna see what we can do...

I'm off to bed.

Friday, January 25, 2008

I don't really have a whole lot to post about. I guess that's a good thing, nothing much going on.

My brother bought a new truck. I haven't seen it yet, but I am sure it's gorgeous.

Karleigh spent the night Wednesday night and went to church with us.

The boys are driving me crazy about going outside to play.

We're going to Missouri over Spring Break.

Joshua has been sleeping better.

That's about it.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

the sauna

Is my new best friend! I absolutely love it. I like the gym, but it's the sauna that makes the trip for me. I wake up looking forward to it and trying to scheme my way there. I am so happy about this membership. I keep thinking if I just make sure I do my best to go every day and don't look to yesterday or tomorrow, I'll get there. I do think I need to get there earlier in the day than yesterday (about 5:30) because I don't go to sleep well at bedtime. I feel so good and relaxed that I just want to hang out, not sleepy at all. Late gym trips on nights when David work tend to feed my addiction to reading blogs, though. I stayed up entirely too late last night.

On another note, I started weight watchers today. I will get through all of this. I am motivated, but not over-enthusiastic, which I think is good because enthusiasm fades. I'm tired of how I am right now and am determined to change it. I'm gonna see if I can round up a recruit to hang out with Josh and go right now.

Monday, January 21, 2008

a sippy cup, a rubber ducky and a baseball belt

What do they all have in common? They are all in the floor of the hallway between the boys' rooms. Sometimes the strangest things will strike you as beautiful. The doctor must really have my hormone patch right! (just kidding). Normally those things on the floor drive me crazy, but for some reason not tonight. Joshua loves to carry stuff around and leave little surprises for everybody. He loves to hide cell phones in the high chair seat - just out of sight - and in a house with 4 cell phones, it's not too difficult for him to find one to hide. I'm sure he's thrown stuff away before - we're missing a couple pieces of one of his toys. Right now my house is an absolute mess, but I'm not touching a thing before bed. It will all find it's way where it goes tomorrow.

Sunday, January 20, 2008


The boys are starting choir at church. I'm really excited about it, but chewing my bottom lip on the cost and scheduling conflicts. It's gonna be rough to pull it off if we can do it. They both had to be dragged kicking and fussing to the introductory meeting today, but both had a huge bounce in their steps when we were leaving. We've got to pull it off somehow. They will have district competitions in May and then go on to nationals in Charlotte, NC in August (when they make it through district). There will be lots of fundraisers to off-set the cost, but we're still on a pretty tight budget around here. It's also going to conflict with baseball. I don't know about that one. We'll just have to be praying about everything as we go.

David was awesome for me today. He had Josh just about all day. Josh and I were up until 4 this morning, so he let me sleep until 12:30. It was nice. Then Josh stayed with David while I went to the boys' meeting. He got him a bath and dinner! I was really excited about all that.

Anyway, off to getting homeschool stuff ready for the week.

Thursday, January 17, 2008


Well, I finally did it. I went to the gym today. And I really liked it! It even has a place for Josh to hang out. Of course, I took Jacob because he wouldn't be ok hanging out there without somebody. Jacob was quite good about it, so I got him a Coke at Sonic when we were done. He's such a great kid for me. Cody stayed here with Trace and I think was just as happy as Jacob with his Coke because he had the playstation to himself.

Dad called and has Jake's phone. It's just like mine and I know the kid's gonna go through the roof when he gets it. I'm excited for him.

I miss my husband. It seems like we never have time to ourselves anymore. At all. It makes my heart ache. I know it's important for him to spend time with the kids by themselves - and I completely want him to, but when will it be my turn? I don't even mind if Josh is with us most of the time. And we don't have to go anywhere really. I just miss having conversations with him. I don't want alone-time with the tv on. I don't want to wake up when the kids are gone and not know him anymore. I'm not trying to rant, just put my feelings down. And I don't think it's either of our faults, particularly, I just think we have to make more of an effort to make time. It may mean a sacrifice in some other area and I'm so ok with that.

Anyway, I'm gonna read some and hit the hay.


I just now got the baby back to bed. He went to bed at 8 and got up at 10. He was hot in the pj's he had on, so I had to change him. Of course, he's not going back to bed anytime soon once he's up, so it's now a little after 1 and he's finally out. We had fun, though. He's so precious - always hugging on me and carrying around his sippy cup.

Everybody else is great! The big boys are big. Jake's birthday is coming up at the end of this month. I am excited about this one for some reason. 12 is so grown up. He wants a cell phone and we're gonna get it for him. It only adds $10 to our bill and Cody and Emily both have one from their Mom. He'll be ecstatic! I've told him I'm not getting it for him, which is true because my Dad is actually picking it up. I think the exact words were, "I'm not going to go out and get you a cell phone." haha. I didn't say he couldn't have one or that we wouldn't obtain one for him - just that I wasn't actually going to go get it. He'll catch on to all that one day. I did the same thing with his Christmas present. I told him Walmart was all out of them, which was true because I got the last one on the shelf and they never restocked it. Too funny.

Ok, I'm gonna fall out on the keyboard if I don't go to bed. Hopefully Josh will sleep until about 9 in the morning. That would be wonderful....

Sunday, January 13, 2008

I'm so ready for Josh to feel 100 per cent. He's too sweet to be this grumpy!

The boys went to spend the night with Mom and Dad last night and David went to work, so Josh and I had the night to ourselves. Even with his grumpiness, I enjoyed him. He woke up around 3 and stayed up until close to 6. At one point, he climbed down from my lap, took about 4 steps away from me and toward the tv, then collapsed on the floor and fell asleep. Too funny, but as soon as he heard me get up, he popped back up to play some more. I might have just gotten next to him on the floor and slept there to keep him asleep - I was ready to crash.

This morning, we missed church, but went to meet Mom and Dad at Gattitown. I got there early, so Josh and I went to Half Priced Books (That is probably the store I'm most happy with having again since we moved). Anyway, there was a lady in there looking at the Prophecy books. She made some comment to the effect of "how does she choose what to look at?" We struck up a conversation. We agreed that it is amazing how close to the end of everything we are and there is absolutely NOBODY paying attention. Well, not really anybody in the Christian community. That's SCARY. I gave her fulfilledprophecy's website address and she said she was definitely gonna' go read some as soon as she got home.

I had just been praying on the way about how to give my kids completely to God. I struggle with this sometimes - I mean, it's easy to say I give them to Him while life is easy, but what if in reality I were forced to choose between Christ and my kids - like having to watch them hurt or denying Him. I know the pat answer of He gives you what you need when you need it, but I think that's something similar to saying "I don't understand all that prophecy stuff, so I'll just stay ready for anything". That's completely unprepared and we are instructed to be prepared. So, how do I practice giving them to God on a daily basis? I don't know. That's a tough one.

As I read back over this, I realize that there really is a daily choice of choosing Christ over my kids. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's starting to make some to me.....

Friday, January 11, 2008

now I'm sick!

This absolutely sucks. I feel like I've been hit by a truck. And Josh is still not over his, so we're making each other miserable. He will not go to sleep! He is still awake and it's after 11:30. I don't know what to do with him. He won't nurse. He won't let me rock him. He just screams in his bed. All he wants to do is walk around and cry.

One day we'll sleep again....

Thursday, January 10, 2008

my baby's sick!

I hate it for him. It's not that bad, really, just a cough, but it keeps him up. And that in turn keeps me and David up. Thank God for David last night because I got some intermittent sleep - and I needed it so badly! He'll be better soon, though. I know he will.

In other Joshua news, he had his 1 year checkup yesterday. He's in the 75 per centile for height and weight. He's about 26 lbs and 32 inches (not sure exactly on the inches). He's put on some weight since his 9 month where he was 50 per centile for weight and 75 per centile for height.

The boys are back doing their school and we're getting our normal rythm back. I need that! We took them to church last night and David, Josh and I went out to dinner to Dickies BBQ. With Josh feeling bad, I didn't take him to the nursery. It was nice to have a little time to ourselves.

Ok, gonna go get after my day....

Monday, January 07, 2008

party pictures


That's how I feel. I'm feeling rather lonely and tired. Unappreciated, maybe? Neglected, maybe? I don't know. I can't put a label on it besides frustrated. I don't think it's hormonal. I think I'm on the right patch. I think it's probably a combination of things. Every time I get things going in the right direction with God, everything else gets unbelievably tense. I know it's spiritual, but I still forget to pray against it during the moment. I also feel like nobody else in my home is where they're supposed to be with God right now. We're in one of those stupid places that we put ourselves. God is where He's always been. We are the ones who've moved away from Him. You'd think we'd learn. I believe I know where the breakdown is with the whole family, but I won't post that here. I have a list a mile long to take care of before I can think about bed, but I'm so unmotivated. I'll sit here for a little longer then make myself get the boys' lesson plans done so I can crash. Hopefully the baby will sleep all night.

Oh, in other news, I think Jake broke his butt bone. At least he bruised it pretty badly. Horrible bone to break, but the doctors won't do a thing for him except tell him to stay off it. I feel so bad for him. He is pretty uncomfortable.

Sunday, January 06, 2008


We had Josh's birthday party this weekend. It was alot of fun for him. It's really nice to be in a house where we can have company and it's not too crowding.

Tim and Laura came on Friday night and stayed until this morning. Yesterday, we had hot dogs, cake and ice cream for Joshua. He had his own little "smash" cake. He loved it! He went straight to the bath tub when he finished.

I'm really, really tired. I feel sometimes like I never, ever quit going. I almost don't know how to anymore. One day I will though.

Joshua has decided that his stint of sleeping through the night is now over. He was up crying quite a bit on Friday night and then last night, we rocked from 11:30-1:30. He was just happy to be lying on Mom rocking. The last two nights may have had something to do with the fact that he wasn't in his bed. He was in the pack-n-play in our room. I kinda' like him in here sometimes.

Karleigh spent the night with us last night. She didn't have any clothes, so she wore Joshuas! I'll put pics on here when I get them uploaded. It was too funny! She is adorable. Dad and Trey came to get her this afternoon.

Emily had to go home today. I will miss her. It is nice, however, to be getting back to normal from Christmas break. I'll start the boys with their school tomorrow. It will be nice to be back to our quiet days.

Alright, I'm done.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

a little vent

Ok. I know that there is really no divorced situation that is ideal. I just don't understand making things more difficult than they need to be.

I emailed David's ex-wife to figure out how we are going to handle Spring Break. Last year, she took Cody for a week and then we had Emily for a week. I asked if she wanted Cody the week before Spring Break or the week after so we could plan for Jacob's extra week off of school. She replied that Emily wouldn't be coming up here because the decree said she had them for Spring Break this year. I don't understand why she's being like that. She said she didn't want Cody to stay home all day alone. Ok. It's never stopped her from taking him extra time before? I have never been one for tit for tat, but it's so tempting right now. I won't do that though.

The worst part is, it just hurts the kids. It just hurts Emily to not have that time with Cody and her Dad - not to mention she doesn't get to see Josh.

I know the answer is to pray for her. I know that I need to be above reproach in this situation. I just don't understand ugliness for the sake of ugliness - especially when it is just ugliness to the kids. It's hard to be nice.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

pictures if I can figure them out....

I didn't get them all lined up right, but I got them on here.


I was thinking of a resolution to keep up with my daily devotions. HA-HA! I have since realized that I won't keep up with them because of a resolution. I have to desire the time spent with God. I'm praying for that. I hate feeling stagnant. I want to desire Him again with my whole heart - not just in lipservice. My husband gave me a devotional book for Christmas. You know, one of those "one for every day" devotions. I love him for it. He is lovingly trying to direct me to spending time like I should - even if it's just the 5-10 minutes pondering these devotions. He knows they'll lead to me searching God's Word for clarification of something I've read or something that is led to by something I've read.

I love the way God woo's me. I love that he puts little things in my day to remind me that he exists. I pray that He prick my heart when I see them and remind me of where they come from.

Anyway, the devotion for today starts with "An exalted view of God brings a clear view of sin and a realistic view of self". Wow. Think on that a minute. If I'm comparing myself to other "christians", I appear pretty "christian-like". But, if I for one minute, compare myself to Christ - Wow, I stink pretty badly. I mean, I smell rotten - rotten like sin. Just like Isaiah - my only response can be, "Woe is me!"

That's some heavy thinking for bedtime....

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy New Years!

We spent last night just hanging out. We had nachos for dinner and ate chips and dips until midnight when we had Sprite in our wine glasses. The kids loved it.

David has me hooked on Gran Turismo 4 for PS2. I've never played too many of the games because the controllers are just too foreign to me. I'm getting this one, though. And secretly have been playing one of the kids games when they're sleeping so maybe one day I can whoop one of them. Haha. Or at least not look so controller-challenged.

This week I noticed that I was thinking about Anna alot. It dawned on me that this was the week of the abortion. It's amazing how God redeems things. I no longer think on this time with alot of pain - more like whistful-what-if's, if that makes sense. It was 15 years ago! Wow! It's amazing how God uses what satan intended for evil for good. I know His Word says He does that, but it is so amazing when you see it. I thank Him every time I think about it that He's blessed me with giving me knowledge through this.

It's been a long time since I've longed for Heaven. I asked God a little bit back if he would give me that desire again. He did that today. I was thinking about Anna in the shower and realized that I had a pang of feeling like I was not home. I realized that I longed to be home - home in Heaven. Home with my baby girl and grandparents that have gone before. Home. Home is not here. This is so temporary. I want God to give me what it takes to live like I know that. I want to live like the things I do here matter for eternity, not for now. Now is fleeting - a mist. It's the eternity that matters. I'm rambling.

The kids and I went out for a while today. We took the rent by the drop-box and ran some errands. We ate at Ci-Ci's Pizza. We haven't been there since Josh was tiny in his infant seat. It was good. After that, we ran around to various dollar stores (my favorites!) to get first a plunger, then bags and party favors for Josh's party this Saturday. I love shopping success!

His party is going to be lots of fun, although I doubt he'll really get that anything is going on for him - just that everybody he knows is here and he gets lots of sugar.

Enough for tonight. My game is calling...