Monday, October 27, 2008

Why?

Why do I have to have a kid who won't sleep? I know it sounds so pitiful and whiney, but I'm so tired of it. He'll rock along just fine for a few weeks, then for several nights in a row, just refuses to sleep. It all starts with a nap strike, then moves on to crying in the night, and finally on to staying up for about 3-4 hours per night. I complain, but it is truly so very much better than it used to be. I do remember where we came from just since March, but it's still maddening.

David's parents were here this weekend. They came on Friday evening and left this morning. Joshua kept the entire house up all three nights. I'm sure they're exhausted from him.

I hate not being able to go anywhere. It's worse every time we've tried to spend the night away from home to the point that I just won't. I hate that I am the only person who can put the kid to bed. I can't ever leave.

I love my child so very much that it hurts. I adore him. He's so precious and sweet. I love watching him grow and change. That said, I do not miss him being a baby. I don't miss not sleeping and sitting up with a crying baby all night. He was not colicky - he simply would not be put down.

I tried letting him cry it out, along with so many other things that my head spins and nothing worked for so long. I don't know if I really found the "magic" combination of things, or if he just grew into sleeping through the night. It really doesn't matter, but when he goes through a few days like this - not napping and up during the night - I revert directly back to that mindset that I had during that first 15 months. It's like I'm shell-shocked or something.

I shouldn't complain about it at all. I know he's healthy and happy and beautiful. I know of so many Mamas who don't get to have their babies with them for whatever reasons. I do not take him for granted, just feel a little tortured sometimes.

1 comment:

Leonard Family said...

I feel your pain! Geesh lil man let your poor mama sleep! I know your frustration! Don't be hard on yourself hun, it's rough enough not being able to sleep. Hang in here! I'll be prayin for you!
Jana