Friday, February 29, 2008

Somethings gotta give!

I can't do this anymore. I am seriously about to seek professional help with this sleeping mess. It's now 2:33 and I am up with Josh for the 5th time. I just put him back in the bed and he's already screaming. I don't know what to do. We are supposed to go out of town tomorrow night and I don't want to take him anywhere. There will be no place for us to be up all night at our friends' house. The kids will be all over sleeping. I am so extremely frustrated. I have gone round and round with God on this one. I am seriously lacking faith that he even cares about me sleeping anymore. I've felt that way for some time actually. I don't think my husband really even understands. I don't think he really gives it a second thought truly. I think he somehow thinks it's my fault and I'm getting what I deserve - and maybe it is and I am. Maybe I've nursed him too long and should have let him cry it out long ago. I don't know. I have serious issues with crying it out. I am doing my very best not to complain, but I'm more miserable than I've been in a really long time. I don't even want to be with Joshua anymore because I'm so exhausted and fed up with him. I really can't go on this way and I'm the only person who ever has to deal with it at all. Everybody else gets all the sleep they want/need. David sleeps all day. The kids sleep all night. I'm tired of being irritable with everybody because I'm not sleeping. I'm just tired.

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