rambling thoughts

Sometimes I just wanna post my thoughts. I worry that people who don't need to hear my thoughts read this. I really shouldn't worry about that, but I do. I don't want to make this blog private, or start another one that would be private somewhere else and try to keep up with two. I am praying for courage to not worry about other people reading this. I am very insecure about that. I also seem to think of lots of things to blog about when I don't have time to blog. I wish I were a better writer (that's another insecurity). I am not a difficult person. I hate feeling like things have to be made more difficult than they are. I don't know why I'm feeling guilty when we talk about sending the boys to school. We have prayed about it and know that is where they are supposed to be, but I still have that "sending my kid off to Kindergarten" feeling. I know that they're 12 and very excited to be going. I just know that I'll miss them - even with all the days that it's difficult to have two 12 year olds with me 24/7. I know the morning will come very early and I need to go to bed, but it's so nice to have the house quiet. I love that Josh is sleeping so well lately. He's such a sweet baby! He completes our family in a way I never, ever thought he would. He seems to be the glue that ties all the kids together. He's the common thread for all of them. I thank God for him every day. I thank God for the love that our family can share - even though we're blended and that's not always easy. I pray for Emily - it's so hard to not have her here. She's so precious. All our kids are precious. I pray that God gives us the wisdom to raise them in Him. I pray that Emily hears his voice and knows Him. It's so hard to not be able to see that she is trained up in the way that she should go.

I can think of nothing more that will form into typed sentences. I'm off to bed...